Ask Deadpool: Season Four
by rosestar1324
Summary: Guess who's back, back again? Deadpool's back! Tell a friend! And lookie here, we have a M rating! Go crazy with the questions! There's no censorship!
1. Operation: Spectacular

Deadpool jumped on top of Rose, who was sleeping comfortably in her bed. Rose shot up, scared half to death. "Wade, what the hell?!"

"I'm sorry! I needed you awake, now!"

"I literally just finished the last episode of season three. I'm taking a nap before I start season four." Deadpool gave a loud and short "HA" before sitting next to her on her bed.

"We both know that if you don't start it now, you'll never start it. Besides, this has nothing to do with the story. I wanna take you out for breakfast." Rose, still sleepy, rubbed her eye.

"You're not asking me out, are you?"

"What? No! I just wanna do something nice for you since you're the only writer who's survived this long. I guess your super power is to avoid detection by The Man."

"Well, I have been practicing avoiding detection from my parents since I was five years old."

"Anyway, you better hurry up! Or we'll miss our reservation! And iron your clothes, ya slob!"

At a "random" pancake house

Deadpool was actually wearing normal clothes for once. His baseball cap didn't hide all the scars on his head; therefore, attracting the attention of the other customers. Rose was too busy looking at her menu to notice the disgusted looks Deadpool was getting. "I don't know if I should get an omelet or a waffle," she said.

"Get whatever you want. I'm paying," said Deadpool, looking around the restaurant.

"Oh, in that case, I'll get the pancake house special." Rose placed her menu on the table. "Are you paranoid or something?"

"No. I'm just looking around for the bathroom."

"It's over there," said Rose, pointing toward the back of the restaurant.

"Good, cause I think those nachos I had for dinner are about to go right through me." she gagged.

"Gross! Can you not talk about your bodily functions right before I get my food?"

"Sorry."

Sitting just a few tables away were Peter Parker and his Aunt May.

"You know, Peter, I could have cooked us pancakes at home," said his sweet aunt.

"I know, but it's your birthday. And since I can't cook to save my life, I decided taking you out to eat would be more safe." May chuckled.

"You're so thoughtful, Peter."

"Excuse me." Peter approached the bathroom, feeling a tingly sensation on his way. He recognized this feeling as his spider sense. Peter quickly scanned the restaurant for the danger. His eyes locked on Rose. "Uh oh. It's Rose and I assume Deadpool out of his costume! Why are they here? Why do they have to be here, TODAY of all days?" Thought Peter. He glanced at Aunt May. "I have to make sure no one gets hurt."

"Deadpool, did you figure out who our next guest star is going to be for the first episode of our fourth season?" asked Rose, putting a fork full of her pancakes in her mouth.

"Yep. Spidey."

"You're so obsessed."

"And you're obsessed with me. You have the words, "Deadpool is my husband" on your ps4 bio. Someone say 'crazy'!"

"It's a joke! And don't look at my bio!"

"A bio's supposed to be looked at."

"Anyway, you better not think about kidnapping Spider-Man, again. I feel bad about tranqing him last time."

"Relax. I know he's going to come willingly this time."

"How so?"

"The less you know, the better."

Ding!

A man rang a bell at the counter. He appeared to have been waiting for a table. A waiter approached him. "Table for one?"

"Actually," the man pulled out a tiny 9mm pistol, "open the register and put the money in this bag." The waiter raised his hands. Not wanting to get shot, he quickly started to open the cash register. "NO ONE MOVE!" the man pointed his gun at the customers. Innocents screamed and started to panic.

"This day just keeps getting better and better," mumbled Peter. Deadpool stood up.

"Are you seriously robbing a pancake house?" The man pointed his gun at the merc.

"Sit back down or I'll shoot!" shouted the robber.

"That's a cute gun, but mine is bigger!" Deadpool pulled out a IMI Desert Eagle of his jacket pocket and aimed it at the robber. Peter decided to use Deadpool's distraction and sneak into the bathroom.

"If you don't put the gun away-"

"You'll shoot me? Soooo intimidating." The robber pulled the trigger. Spider-Man covered the muzzle with his spider webbing. The feedback made the robber drop his gun. Spider-Man webbed the man to the floor. "Nice job, Spider-Man!" Shouted Deadpool.

"Thanks," Spidey said, slowly.

"Hey, pal-"

"I'm not your pal…"

"I'm starting another season of Ask Deadpool and you're my first guest."

"Sorry. I don't do talk shows." Spider-Man shot a web at the building across the street. Before he could fully get away, Deadpool threw a shuriken, cutting the web. Spider-Man landed on his feet. "Deadpool, I have somewhere to be!"

"And you need to come back for another episode! I'm asking because I'd hate for innocents to get hurt."

"Why do you always threaten people?"

"Because you never want to hang out!"

"Gee, maybe because you kill people?"

"I haven't killed anyone in months!" Rose stepped outside.

"Alright! Enough of this! Spider-Man, I'm sorry Deadpool keeps harassing you. I know you have a lot of important things to do, like eating breakfast and treating the people you love to a special outing. How about you go finish that and then you meet us at Deadpool's place?"

Meanwhile, at Deadpool's HQ…

"Will you stop moping?" Said Rose to Deadpool who was lying on the couch. She was getting the living room ready for the filming of season four of their show.

"It's been hours! Spidey should be here right, now!"

"Give him time. He'll show up." Rose aimed the camera at the couch. Spider-Man crawled through the window. Deadpool leaped off the couch.

"Spidey! You actually showed up!"

"Yeah, unfortunately."

"Well, you can take a seat on the couch," said Rose. Spider-Man slowly sat on the couch.

Deadpool: What's up, Pool readers? Welcome to your first episode of Ask Deadpool: Season Quatre! (That's four for all of you non-French speakers.)

Spider-Man: That wasn't even French.

Deadpool: And as you can see, my pal, Spidey, is going to be our first guest star of our new season! Rose, start asking the questions.

Rose: Alright, well since we don't have any questions left to answer from our fans, Deadpool has taken the liberty to find some online.

Spider-Man: I have a bad feeling about this…

Rose: *sigh* Here we go…. First question: where is your favorite place to be kissed?"

Deadpool: Spidey?

Spider-Man: Why do I have to answer first!

Deadpool: You're the guest.

Spider-Man: You can answer first!

Deadpool: Fine! Rose, you answer.

Rose: You just said you were going to answer.

Deadpool: Rose, I swear to-

Rose: Fine! I dunno. I guess the cheek. I've never been kissed before.

Deadpool: I forgot she's a nerd…

Spider-Man: Don't worry, Rose. I'm sure we've all been there before.

Deadpool: Well, I like being kissed anywhere. (And I mean it when I say anywhere).

Spider-Man: Oh god.. Well, I'm a classic sort of guy, so I prefer the lips.

Rose: Next question *sighs* Do you prefer to be on the bottom or the top?

Deadpool: Spider-Man?

Spider-Man: What makes you think I have a sex life?

Deadpool: Who wouldn't wanna fuck a superhero wearing tights?

Rose: He has a point. Have you seen your fan page?

Spidey: My what?!

Deadpool: Well, to answer the question, it depends on who I'm having sex with. If they're bigger than me, then I'll be on the bottom. But if I'm bigger than them, I'll be on top. And Rose would probably like being on the bottom since she's a submissive type.

Rose: It's not that I'm submissive, I just don't aggressively take charge.

Deadpool: I stand my case.

Rose: Moving on. Have you ever done role-playing? That's something I can actually say I did!

Deadpool: Ooh! Give details!

Rose: Well, my friend was hosting a costume contest, so I dressed up as Robin and won!

Deadpool: Rose, that's not the kind of role-playing the question is talking about.

Rose: Oh..

Deadpool: You're so innocent, it's annoying. People aren't going to wanna hear about how much of a virgin you are!

Rose: Well, excuse me for not giving it out to the hottest person I see!

Deadpool: We need to fix this.

Spidey: I don't like where this is going…

Rose: No! Let's get the questions out of the way!

Deadpool: Fine! Read the next question.

Rose: What was your last wet dream about?

Deadpool: Oh, that's a long story. It started out with me at the Avenger's Tower. Black Widow was wearing her signature catsuit and when she saw me-

Spidey: I don't wanna hear this!

Deadpool: Don't worry. We'll, get to the part about you later!

Spidey: What?!

Rose: Um, I actually can answer this question..

Deadpool: Hold the fuck up. Rose has actually had a wet dream?

Rose: Don't say it so loud!

Deadpool: Spill.

Rose: Okay, well in the dream, I walk into this college dorm room in my skimpy pajamas and crawl into the bed. Next to me is a guy I went to school with and he's in his underwear. I don't remember what was said, but I do remember kissing his neck. The next thing I know, I'm straddling and French kissing him. I take off my shirt and then I wake up. I felt so-

Deadpool: Hot and bothered? Horny? Turned on? Lustful?

Rose: Uncomfortable. Part of me liked it but another part of me felt disgusted.

Deadpool: Are you trying to say you're bi? Cause it's okay if you are.

Rose: No, that's not what I'm saying! I'm just grateful that was a one time thing.

Deadpool: You'll have more.

Rose: Next question. If today was your last day alive, what would you spend it doing?

Deadpool: I would go hang out with my daughter one last time.

Spidey: Oh yeah! I remember you telling me about her. How is she?

Deadpool: She's fine. I went Trick or Treating with her last Halloween.

Spidey: Well, I'd spend my last moments with my aunt… And the rest of my family.

Rose: I'd like to go and do some crazy dangerous things with my friends. Next question is: what would you do differently if you knew no one would judge you?

Deadpool: I would be my honest self to the world. I wouldn't wear my mask in public and share my true feelings with people.

Spidey: Well, um, if I was asked this question when I was still in high school, I wouldn't be afraid to tell the girls I had crushes on how I really felt or I would stand up to the school bullies and give them a piece of my mind.

Rose: I would tell my friends about the crazy stories I've written over the years.

Deadpool: You mean your porn?

Rose: How many times do I have to tell you I don't write porn?!

Deadpool: Well, that concludes our first episode of Ask Deadpool: Season Four! I promised last season Captain America would guest star, so Rose and I will recruit him next.

Edit: Any questions I missed from last season will be asked in the next chapter. Thank you all for continuing asking your crazy questions! Don't forget to suggest a character you'd wanna see guest star next!


	2. Operation: The First Avenger

Deadpool had woken Rose up at the crack of dawn, much to her annoyance.

"Why do you insist on waking up early?!" Rose shouted.

"Geez. I thought you were supposed to help me collect my guest stars."

"Yeah, but that can wait until noon."

"No. Because our next guest star jogs early in the morning."

"How would you know that?"

"I stalked Steve Rogers for a week. He always starts his morning jog at 4am and finishes at 7am. If you get your ass up now, we can beat him to his house." Rose leaped out of bed and ran to her closet to change out of her pj's. She picked out a shirt and turned back to her bed, where Deadpool was sitting.

"Um, go!" Rose threw a shoe at Wade.

"Ow! Ok!"

Deadpool watched Steve Rogers run through the park with a pair of binoculars.

"Ok, remember the plan. You get Cap's attention while I run up and steal your purse. He chases me and you tranq him," Deadpool explained.

"This sounds vaguely familiar."

"Hey, if it ain't broke, don't fix it."

"Or I could just ask to interview him. I mean, he's the nicest guy ever. I'm sure he wouldn't mind."

"That's true."

"We're trying things my way, by the way." Rose exited the car and ran to Steve. "Captain America!" Steve turned around and waited for Rose to catch up. "Captain… America…" she said inbetween pants. She rested her hands on her knees, trying to catch her breath.

"Hello there," Steve said with a smile. Once she got her breathing under control. She stood upright.

"Mr. Captain America.."

"Steve," he corrected.

"Steve, can I interview you for my internet show?"

"What kind of show is it?"

"It's a show were I ask my guests crazy questions, like, um.." Rose pausd a moment then continued, "Would you prefer to eat a ton of cake or a ton of ice cream? How much can you lift? How much wood can a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?" Steve was flabbergasted.

"Well…"

"Pleeeeese? My co-host has cancer and one of the things he always wanted was to interview an Avenger," Rose begged.

"Alright, I'll do it."

"Really?! Awesome! Here's my address. Drop by at one and wear your costume." Rose handed Steve a piece of paper and walked away.

"Rose, you are so boring," Deadpool said, once she got to the car.

"I prefer not to be hated by all of my favorite Marvel super heroes."

"No one hates you."

"I can't even get near Spider-Man without his spider sense going off!"

"Really? I thought I made his spider sense tingle?" Wade said with a wink.

"That's gross…"

Deadpool and Rose waited for hours. At 1 o'clock on the dot, there was a knock on the door. Rose sprinted to the door and swung it open. "Captain America, you're here!"

"Well, I did agree to be on your talk show. So, who's your friend?" Rose stepped aside to allow Cap entrance into the apartment. "His name is Wade Wilson, more commonly known as-"

"Deadpool." Steve was the first guest on Deadpool's show to not feel uneasy or nervous being around the unpredictable merc, and that surprised Rose. Most people become angered or nervous around Deadpool. But Captain America didn't even ready his shield.

"The one and only," said Deadpool.

"Did you honestly convince me to come down here just so you can interview me?"

"Well, unfortunately I'm not exactly interviewing you. Though, if you could stay after the show so I could personally interview you, that would be REALLY awesome!"

Rose explained, "Deadpool and I have this talk show called _Ask Deadpool_ and we answer questions from the fans. So, technically the fans are interviewing you."

"Wasn't Tony on this show?" Steve asked.

"Yep! Two seasons ago," was Deadpool's reply.

"Now please take a seat so we can start," said Rose. Captain America followed Rose to the couch. He sat down and she ran behind the camera. "In five, four, three, two…"

Deadpool: Hello, Pooligans! And welcome back to _Ask Deadpool: Season Four!_ Today's guest star is The Super Soldier, The Living Legend, The First Avenger, Caaaaaaptain America!

Captain America: *Smiles and waves* Where is that applause coming from?

Deadpool: Don't worry about it. *leaps on the couch* Rose, hit us with the questions!

Rose: Okay. Some people left questions on our other season after they ended, so I'll ask them here and hopefully they see them. From season two, we have some questions from Loyalwolf03

"Hey Deadpool,

Your #1 fave fan here…

1) Are u single?

2) if yes, will you go out with me?

3) I'll give you *something* that the kiddies can't know about...

4) I love you more than Spidey... (no offense spidey)

5) what's your fave color?"

Deadpool: Hey, Wolf. I always love hearing from my fans. Though you're probably gonna have to fight the other "#1 fans" to secure your spot ;)

A1) Yes. Single and ready to mingle! So if you ladies are looking for a real man, call me at 444-555-POOL ;)

Rose: What happened to Death?

DP: ...We're going through a difficult time, alright?

A2) How old are you?

A3) Oooooh! How old are you? Cause I would love that ;)

A4) A lot of people do. He's such a boy scout.

Cap: Spider-Man is an amazing hero. *Crosses arms* And what's wrong with being a boy scout? They're always prepared and kind. Not to mention very resourceful.

DP: Nothing's wrong with being a boy scout. You guys just need people like me to be able to make the really hard decisions.

Cap: Like?

DP: Murder. Arson. Kidnapping.

Cap: So crimes?

DP: Pretty much. But, Cap, out of all the boy scouts, you truly are my favorite.

Rose: Same! There's just something about Steve that makes me immediately love and respect him.

Cap: *Smiles* Jeez! Thanks you two.

Rose: Oh my gosh! You're smile is amazing!

Cap: *chuckles* Thank you, Rose.

DP: A5) Red, obviously. I did like green for a while because who doesn't love money? But after that Green Lantern… incident… We don't talk about the color green anymore.

Rose: Here's one I think we missed from season three.

DP: You mean YOU missed.

Rose: *Rolls eyes* This one is from an anonymous commenter.

"1. What's your favourite animal?  
2\. (for Deadpool) What would you do if you had to give up chimichangas?  
3\. Why is the sky blue?  
4\. (also for Deadpool) Where did the colours for your suit get inspired from?  
5\. Do you want some pizza?"

DP: *Turns to Cap* What is your favorite animal, Cap? Probably the bald eagle, right?

Cap: Actually, no. I love dogs. I always wanted a puppy, but my family was too poor to take care of one.

DP: Rose?

Rose: Dragons or unicorns.

DP: No REAL animals?

Rose: I thought unicorns are real…

DP: They're not.

Rose: Then pandas.

DP: Monkeys.

A2) I mean, there's still tacos!

A3) Because the blue light is scattered across the sky because of the molecules in the air. But when the sun sets, the angle changes and then we mostly see the red and orange light through the molecules. HA! Betcha didn't think I would go scientific on your ass, did ya?

A4) It was decades ago. I had just solidified myself as a merc for hire, but with my ugly mug, I had to find something to wear so I wouldn't make people barf and babies cry just by looking at my face. I tried on many different costumes but they all were hideos. So I decided to go with the Spider-Man-knock off suit which I had my friend Weasel tailor to my special needs. So, the red comes from the fact that it used to be a Spidey suit (plus the bad guys can't see me bleed in it!) And the black was a stylistic choice I decided to add.

A5) Hell yes!

Rose: Our next question, also from season three is from AngelicMidnight1

"*Hugs Deadpool* :3 do you like hugs?"

Deadpool: Yes. I also like cuddling, so remember that babes ;)

Rose: the next question is also from season three-

DP: Wow, you missed a lot!

Rose: Not my fault they commented on a completed story! They asked,

"Can your next guest star be Batman cuz why not you have crossed into DC before and questions

q1: why haven't you ever been in a decent X-men movie  
q2: y weren't you in infinity war"

DP: That implies there was a decent X-Men movie!

Rose: Google says your movie counts as an X-Men movie..

DP: It does? Well there ya go! I was in the greatest X-Men movie! And the second greatest X-Men movie, Deadpool 2! Make sure you buy the DVD sold in all stores!

A2) I was. If you look in the background of the street Doctor Strange is fighting on in the first act, you can see me eating a chimichanga. Though I was out of costume, so it's hard to notice.

And yes, Batman will be our next guest star!

Rose: And our last question is someone who actually read season four! insertMCUbatmanhere asks,

"I am really liking season four! Ok so Q:1 How do you feel about rose writing porn. Q:2 Do you like Toxic by Britney Spears Q:3 Would you ever fuck Britney Spears. Also I only put that last one in there because your M now also congrats on being M. Also you should have Robin from Teen titans go guest star"

And I don't write porn! Who do you think I am, E. L. James?

Deadpool: A1) I'm completely fine with Rose writing porn as long as she writes one of me and her.

Rose: *throws shoe at Deadpool*

DP: *ducks* Missed!

A2) Yeah. I like most of her songs.

A3) I'd fuck any version of Britney that's not bald.

And thanks. I'm glad we finally got the M rating. Now Rose doesn't have to replace letters with those little asterisks. And why the fuck do you want Robin from Teen Titans Go on my show!? He's a little dick (ba dum tss) and is really annoying.

Rose: Now you know how most people feel when they meet you.

DP: At least I have class, Rose.

Rose: Thanks for reading. Our next guest star is Batman, so make sure you ask questions for him!


End file.
